Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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