Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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