life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
