Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
