I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
