Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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