She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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