Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
