I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize