dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Randomize
