We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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