I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize