Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize