the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
