just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
