I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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