i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Even my vagina gasped.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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