your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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