you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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