I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
