she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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