We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
