I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
