I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We need to get me chipped asap
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
