i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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