i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
