Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
