Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
