Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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