Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you never un-have a 4some
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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