it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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