i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
