If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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