i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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