So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
