I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
