I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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