I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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