But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
