After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
