No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize