I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
