So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
