well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
