Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize