his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize