I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
