So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
