Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
