I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize