So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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