im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
