i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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