I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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