the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
