Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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