hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize