If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
