And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
