I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
