Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
