Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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