he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
