Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
