I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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