You can't motorboat a personality
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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