They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
