for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
