Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
